If Voldemort had a nose…


I do have an assignment to work on, but it’s quite boring and I don’t take kindly to assignments that are thrown on me at the last moment when an entire year passed by with no hint about it whatsoever. Even when I asked! So I try to open up a word document, and instead of a literature review, I start thinking about all the difference it would have made if Lord Voldemort had donned a nose. I can’t say what sort of nose exactly, but anything other than flat, not to sound offensive.

Would he be as dangerous? Maybe I should rephrase that, would he appear to be as dangerous with a nose, a prominent one? I don’t know, but we can weigh in just about everything he could do with a nose. For starters, would he commit as many crimes as he did? I really believe that a missing nose, or at least the point right after he lost it caused him to cast  a few Killing curses about and yell, “Crucio”. Proof for that would be the point in ‘Deathly Hallows’ wherein he found out one of his hocruxes, ‘Slytherins locket’  missing. Yikes!

Moving on, he definitely would have sported some good frames. Maybe that’s what enticed him about Harry and Dumbledore, just a look at their faces and he’d be reminded that he could never wear frames like theirs. Obviously he could strap on a pair of goggles, but I think that’d look a bit too similar to Abraham “Abe” Sapien, the blue gills in Hellboy. They do share some similarities, for one -touching objects a bit too fondly and their shiny ‘roll a coin off’ bald heads. I do believe that Voldemort would have made a great swimmer, he does have the smooth skin for it, I don’t know…Bet Darth Vader would have warned him about the nose, but then looking at Voldemort’s vocabulary, more mature than mine, would have changed Vader’s mind. Really, I don’t know where I’m going with this article.

As for the sense of smell, not really sure on that. Can he smell the same way we do? I think he’d be susceptible to colds, the dust in the air, and oh my, I just figured that if he were ever to sweat, it would just trickle down smooth plain right into his mouth..hmm. I don’t like that. I don’t like it at all. Oh but then, he’s a wizard, a powerful one as well, so he must have worked around a charm to prevent that. Oh to think that old Voldy was up to casting peculiar charms.  I always felt that in the Harry Potter series, Charms was really downplayed, if I were enrolled in Hogwarts, I’d definitely enjoy that subject, and I think Hermione loved it too. Defence Against the Dark Arts has it’s allure, but I think it’d require quite some wit and imagination to duel with charms and a bit of transfiguration. McGonagall and Hermione, definitely need their own series, ofcourse one could point out that no one likes a know it all, but then Sherlock Holmes has his own series.

Where was I again? Yes, The Dark Lord’s much required nose job. (I’m tempted to crack a joke, but it’d be quite a low blow.)  Why did he choose to give up his nose. I mean when you think about the scariest person you know, and scrap their nose off, do you think they appear more horrific? Well yes, I mean it’d be a bit shocking and odd, but once you’re above it, does it really…yeah it does. But then why not the ears? It’s quite amusing that he knocked off the nose but kept the ears, didn’t even make them pointy or evilish, angled ears would be borderline elvish, so alright, but still, Ears! Now that I think about it, I was pretty frightened of Jumbo, his ears just terrified me. NOT!

Lord Voldemort, I really did like him, I mean after Order of the Phoenix, his character was really dimmed down by the bright light that captured the rage of Potterheads all over the world, ‘Dolores Jane Umbridge’. Oh, the bitterness in the air when that toadface of a witch made an appearance. Lord Voldemort may be the main villain, but we all recognize the true evil that is Dolores Umbridge. We love our villains, not as much as we hate Umbridge. #Toadface (Just felt like using a Hashtag)

Now for all intents and purposes, I want whoever’s reading this to watch ‘The way he looks‘, I just stumbled on the film on Google, looked up the trailer and then watched the movie. It’s truly inspirational and moving, something I wasn’t prepared for. I even got a new song for my playlist, “There’s too much Love – Belle and Sebastian”. I am already onto recommending (Badgering) the movie to my closest friends, and a few deserving ones. I don’t know if anyone else does this, but whenever I do find something worthwhile, appealing and personally relatable, I’m not really up to sharing it with everyone. I find that whatever it is, it’s too good for most people, else it will get the bad end of criticism which it doesn’t deserve. Maybe I’ll explore this topic a bit more in my next post, I just had a heavy dinner, followed by some birthday cake from the neighbours and I know that I’m going to be rolling off my tummy for the most part of the night.

P.S. – It’s so good to go back to reading the Harry Potter Series. Especially when I have my own version of Uncle Vernon, and a Hogwarts I can escape to.


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