A Matter of Space: My nose or his breath?


A certain Parsi suggested the ..what should I call it.. interesting? title. Have to give them what they want, they are on the verge of extinction. *cue muffled laughter* Now I’ve had brief instances wherein people baffle me with their habits. Not saying that I don’t have my own normal habits that others deem peculiar, but for the majority I’d think the following recounts of some fairly awkward encounters should help paint an image. Apart from that, I’m still hungover Marvel’s Daredevil on Netflix. Three binges, three days, time well spent.

There are very few and I mean ‘count them on one hand’ few,  friends who I can tolerate invading my personal space. In India, one can’t have high expectations for having their own personal space in a public transport system, let alone a public area. However, I should have some reservations for it at work. It’s a kitchen, even whilst watching a demo it’s reasonably understood that one has to, like NASA’s mission to an astronaut, or Elliot to E.T. (The extra-terrestrial), give them space!

The first tale is about the most recent trainee to join the Italian kitchen. He wasn’t around my station until I started whisking my yolks for the Tiramisu. He wanted to learn and I was up for it, that was until I could smell his breath. I moved over and well darn the human anatomy, he turned to face me. There goes the genius plan of avoiding the breath. It wasn’t so much as the breath as it was him restricting any movement of my arm holding the whisk. It’s like should I really throw a pan at him to get it through his head that in order to whisk I need some room for my arm to move. I wasn’t uncomfortable to say as much as I was repulsed. Oral hygiene is a must.

I guess my facial expressions didn’t work and neither did telling it to him quite bluntly. He sort of jiggled in the exact same spot. I stared at him in disbelief. Maybe to him this was normal or no one has ever told him about it before, or he does it for unknown reasons and the list goes on. Bottom line was that he had to go. He did skip work for a week without so much as a text, so hurrah.  Nonetheless, that was until he came back and was shadowing my every moment. So how does one get out of a sticky situation like this? Thinking if sticky was the right word to use there… I did the pepper thing where I just walked really fast and threw some powdered black pepper in the air hoping he’d sneeze and keep distance. Well part of that plan worked wherein, he was sneezing, yet the ‘keep distance’ part, totally backfired. Seemed like I had no choice other than to play his sickly privy game. One deep breath and I closed in on the little space between us and stared blankly in his eyes. Similar to a scene in ‘Ghost Rider’ where Cage uses the line, “Look into my eyes” and obviously, the song (Everything I do, I do it for you – Bryan Adams) popped into my head. If you haven’t heard it, I’ve taken the time to post the link. Dare you to think about ghost rider without that song popping into your head. Ruined it for one of my friends who is a big fan of ‘Ghost Rider’. Aren’t I so kind?

It worked like a charm. Well, I can’t say this was my first time freaking someone out of the room. My roomie would understand, as there was a particular plump fellow who would always dig his own grave by throwing nasty comments when I’d start to undress. The only way to get him out was to start playing a raunchy song, on the lines of “Superfreak” and start unbuttoning my uniform in a slutty manner. Fat people running, hilarious. Happy memories.

P.S. – Oral hygiene, like how can anyone not like oral hygiene? The feel of a fresh clean oral cavity ..yeah this is going the wrong way.

P.P.S. – Really fighting the urge not to binge on Daredevil again. 


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