It’s great to be irresponsible sometimes. To let go of other people’s expectations and be free. Not that being responsible isn’t being free, it’s keeping myself within limits of what’s acceptable. These moments of irresponsibility are practised only when alone or surrounded by those trusted people, else with an entire random group of people I’m new to. Everyone makes a big deal of any small rebellious act I carry out and it’s a bit annoying when it sticks on to me for over a year. A reason Las Vegas works well I guess. What happens there, stays there. Can’t we all apply it to our daily lives? How hard can it possibly be?
Having a witty mind doesn’t help much while trying to be irresponsible. I tend to argue with myself on the reasonable reality of the situation. For once I’d like someone else to be the reasonable one, to take care of things and resolve things for themselves. That’s all childish thoughts that play around, something a lazy mind throws about. I mean I’m responsible, something I’ve come to accept. There are some things that just can’t change in the world.
There will be those that say that ‘Yeah, I’m quite normal around strangers but with a group of friends I’m a complete maniac’. It may be true for some people. Think it applies to everyone, since it’s natural to be silent around strangers. Though some people have lost the meaning of phrase. I may be bonkers around strangers or around friends, depends on my mood. Being normal isn’t that bad. There’s nothing wrong in being a simple person. I’m usually interested in those normal folk out there. Everyone want’s to be a whack job, they try so hard that it usually leads to a puny results. Not everyone can be a Luna or a Phoebe, or even a Sheldon or a Patrick for that matter. A reason I dislike it when people label me as one of them. I’m quite the regular person, I have my mood swings and go from silent to loud at any point.
Just once in a blue moon, I like doing those one or two things that are de tours off the path I usually follow. It’s all fun and mayhem, not always something that gets the adrenaline rushing through my system. At times it’s just taking a stroll outside, cutting myself off from everyone and just walking. No disturbance of any sort and probably catching a bite at the end of the journey. This may not seem all that rebel, but it doesn’t always have to be rebellious. People expect me to be smart, I’d prefer wise or intelligent, but I go dyslexic in front of an exam paper. The score however high it may be is the result of a huge effort which people don’t seem to get. I dislike exams. People expect me to be great in the Bakery, and yes I do intend to be a pastry chef, but I’ve got a lot to learn and I do get things wrong at times.
A recent one was when I was expected to work in the kitchen, but as fast as I could get my apron and chef hat, other more urgent matters arose that kept me away. It was too late to go back and work in the kitchen and he was busy telling someone else off. I accept that he is intimidating [not as much as my father with whom I can’t even speak to], his food more so ever, and facing him was not something I was prepared for. To think that I expected him to understand that something did pop up which trumped working under him in the kitchen. [I know that sounds wrong, pervs]
Guess it’s just keeping high expectations for people. One of my close friends did bring up the topic as to how frustrating it can be for one to solve their own problems all the time. It’s nice to have someone who understands. Someone with whom you don’t have to try so hard with every time.
P.S. – It’s utter Gibberish typed while I was stuck outside as it rained. My mind tends to poke at me. To be irritated with one’s self is truly a nightmare. Now I’m thinking about chocolate lasagne and an all dessert menu. Get lucky is still a catchy tune.